first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
