Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
