do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This house was built for laser tag.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
