this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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