You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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