i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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