I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
