peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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