I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
