worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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