I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
