I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
