I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
