I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
