forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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