Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
