don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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