Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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