i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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