I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
