so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
