Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
