A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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