i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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