Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Damn victory sex feels great
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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