i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
