I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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