Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
