see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
