i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
