this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
