Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
