You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
