So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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