So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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