I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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