So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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