Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
