dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
