i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
