i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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