I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
