despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
