FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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