We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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