In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
