your thong is hanging out like whoa
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
