I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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