She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
