Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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